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MtnGoat
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 8:51 am 
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10 'Subversive' Jokes to Land You in an East German Prison
Reminder that the freedom to joke is crucial... and non universal.

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Here are 10 more jokes that were popular in East Germany, but were almost certainly too hot (or just too honest) for the Stasi, including several about the Trabant, the worst car in history.

Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? — You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

What's the best feature of a Trabant? — There's a heater at the back to keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.

Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is exactly the other way around.

What would happen if the desert became a socialist country? — Nothing for a while… then the sand becomes scarce.

Why do the Stasi work together in groups of three? — You need one who can read, one who can write, and a third to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

The Stasi held a competition for the best political joke. First prize? Fifteen to twenty years.

How can you use a banana as a compass? — Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. The bitten end would point east. (Bananas were scarce and deeply desired in East Germany, in contrast to West Germany, where they were ubiquitous.)

A man-on-the-street poll was taken in three countries: “What is your opinion of the recently announced shortage of meat?” In the U.S., they asked, “What shortage?” In Poland, they asked, “What is meat?” and in East Germany, they asked, “What is an opinion?”

How do you catch a Trabi? — Just stick chewing gum on the highway. (An allusion to the Trabant's weak motor.)

Why did Erich Honecker get a divorce? — Because Brezhnev kisses better than his wife.*
*This joke is a reference to the socialist fraternal kiss, also known as the Triple Brezhnev; see below


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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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MtnGoat
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 8:56 am 
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Cyclopath wrote:
Penis-and-scrotum transplant patient reports near-normal erections, orgasms

that's pretty amazing.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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coldrain108
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 10:39 am 
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MtnGoat wrote:
Why do the Stasi work together in groups of three? — You need one who can read, one who can write, and a third to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

isn't this the current mood here in the good old USA?  Anybody who has a good job and is doing well is an intellectual elitist...

I was in Germany the fall of 1990, by then many East Germans were travelling around and I saw more than a couple of Trabi's on (or next to) the road. They were the ones going 45mph while the rest of the traffic was going 110mph.

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"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch and do nothing"  - Albert Einstein
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Cyclopath
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 10:43 am 
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MtnGoat wrote:
Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? — You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

Some of these are pretty funny, thanks for posting.  This one will get repurposed once there are self-driving cars;  just replace Stasi officers with Google cars.   eek.gif
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MtnGoat
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 11:40 am 
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coldrain108 wrote:
isn't this the current mood here in the good old USA?  Anybody who has a good job and is doing well is an intellectual elitist...

I was in Germany the fall of 1990, by then many East Germans were travelling around and I saw more than a couple of Trabi's on (or next to) the road. They were the ones going 45mph while the rest of the traffic was going 110mph.

Plenty of folks have good jobs and are doing well, but don't think of everyone else's lives and choices as their project. It's not the job, it's not the smart, it's the inclination to support do it my way or else, which is the poison.

Anyway, that joke was my fave. 2nd place was the meat shortage joke.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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MtnGoat
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PostFri Nov 08, 2019 12:27 pm 
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Babylon Bee - Man In Critical Condition After Hearing Slightly Differing Viewpoint

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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Cyclopath
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PostSat Nov 16, 2019 10:37 pm 
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SEATTLE POLICE CAPTAIN ARRESTED IN UNDERCOVER PROSTITUTION STING BY HIS OWN DEPARTMENT

A Seattle police captain has been arrested on suspicion of sexual exploitation after he was caught up in his department's undercover prostitution operation.

Randal Woolery was arrested on Thursday at 12:23 a.m. and released less than 30 minutes later, according to King County jail records.

Seattle Municipal Court documents show the 53 year old was arrested on suspicion of sexual exploitation, and no complaint was filed by the Seattle City Attorney's Office. Woolery was not charged. Sexual exploitation is known as patronizing a prostitute in other parts of Washington state.

Sergeant Sean Whitcomb said in a statement, according to The Seattle Times, that a 53-year-old Seattle Police Department employee was arrested on Thursday "in an undercover Vice operation in North Seattle."

Whitcomb said the worker was jailed with a request for misdemeanor charges. The Office of Police Accountability was notified, and the staff member was assigned to the Professional Standards Bureau and put on administrative leave.

He described the employee as a "veteran" who had worked with the force for 31 years.

Dan Nolte, a spokesman for City Attorney Pete Holmes, told The Seattle Times the case was passed to the office's review and filing unit.
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Cyclopath
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PostTue Nov 19, 2019 10:21 pm 
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Hell Yes! Sephora Is Offering A Promotion Where If You Spend Less Than $20 You Can Keep Your Dignity
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Cyclopath
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PostTue Nov 19, 2019 10:22 pm 
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Kanye West Debuting Opera

Kanye West announced Nebuchadnezzar, an opera about the titular Biblical figure, will premiere at the Hollywood Bowl on November 24, adding to the rapper and producer’s foray into Judeo-Christian themes on the heels of his gospel-inspired work Jesus is King.
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Cyclopath
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PostMon Nov 25, 2019 11:55 pm 
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Plan B Unveils New Line Of Space-Time Wormholes To Prevent Intercourse From Ever Happening
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MtnGoat
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PostTue Nov 26, 2019 4:03 pm 
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https://www.wbur.org/news/2019/11/25/boston-dynamics-robot-dog-massachusetts-state-police

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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Cyclopath
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PostWed Dec 04, 2019 11:53 pm 
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Justices debate allowing state law to be “hidden behind a pay wall”

confused.gif
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moonspots
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PostThu Dec 05, 2019 6:35 am 
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Cyclopath wrote:
Justices debate allowing state law to be “hidden behind a pay wall”

confused.gif

Right, here again is overwhelming evidence that we now have (and have had for too long) FAR too many lawyers in this country. I should be so fortunate as to have an occupation where I make more and more work for myself (that no one else can do), and then charge accordingly. That is a brief summary of my opinion on the subject. Carry on...

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"Out, OUT you demons of Stupidity"! - St Dogbert, patron Saint of Technology
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MtnGoat
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PostThu Dec 05, 2019 9:25 am 
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Weird, strange, but not very funny. Common core math vs classic multiplication plus making coffee.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
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neek
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PostThu Dec 05, 2019 9:52 am 
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MtnGoat wrote:
Weird, strange, but not very funny. Common core math vs classic multiplication plus making coffee.

She made a mistake, you're supposed to say "regroup" not "carry" smile.gif
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