[The Angry Hiker]

The weather was fantastic on Saturday, so a trip to Mt. Ellinor would hopefully make up for the whole St. Helens fiasco. Unfortunately, we traded rain and fog for giant horseflies and goat crap on the way up, then poodles and idiots all the way back down.

View from the parking lot

Sign at the parking lot, just in case you thought you were already on the summit.

Attention, morons!

Big Rock on trail up Ellinor

The beginning of the trail is dry and clear of snow, winding through the trees about a mile or so until it opens up into a snow-covered clearing and splits off into the easy "summer route" or the steeper "winter route". This is also where the giant, blood-sucking horseflies will start boring into your flesh without mercy, so you won't want to linger here too long.

Gee, thanks.

The Chute.

B-Dog surveys the route, idiots

Why they had to haul 4 glissading idiots off the mountain.

View from the Chute.

View from Mt. Ellinor

We opted for the road less-traveled, ascending right up the side of the mountain on the winter route. There is still enough snow in the chute for climbing but is very thin in places with the unsettling sound of water rushing underneath. I brought along my ice axe but stuck with my trekking poles for the ascent, no crampons needed. We also had to do some minor rock scrambling in areas where the snow had already melted off. In another week or two this route won't be traversable at all, and you'll have no choice but to contend with the whining weenies and fat chicks in tight shorts over on the summer trail. Then, again, the chute isn't perfect, either. The goats apparently think it's a hoot to let loose right in the middle of the boot path where there's no possible way to avoid it. But it was all fun and games for B-Dog, who kept shouting back down at me, "Got some more Hershey's Kisses for ya up here!!" Thanks, B-dog. I can understand your giddiness over the goat feces, but the novelty wore off for me after I stepped in the 16th or 17th pile. Please, folks, show some common courtesy and SCOOP UP AFTER YOUR GOATS.

Idiots competing for a Darwin Award.

Rocky Scramble up the chute.

Three Quarters of the way up, a small group of potential Darwin Award winners were climbing down the rocks with the intention of snowboarding down the tiny patch we were standing on. B-Dog and I watched as they spent 5 minutes strapping on their gear only to snowboard down a total of about 50 yards. Then they had to remove their gear, climb down some more rocks, and put their gear back on just to descend the next little stretch of snow and goat poop. It was a sad spectacle to behold, and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before one of them gets a free helicopter ride to Harborview. No sooner were we rid of the snowmorons than a big goat came ambling right down the chute to check us out. Once he was sure we weren't a threat to anyone but ourselves, Mama Goat and her kids made an appearance. Jr., the teenage troublemaker, followed close behind. While the rest of the family kicked rocks down on us, Junior had a grand ol' time charging down the chute towards B-Dog, then stopping few feet short and giving him the stare down. The whole herd behaved as if they owned the mountain, hogging the trail, chewing up the foliage, and generally acting like jerks. We had to wait there for 20 minutes until they finally got bored of us and left. Is it really too much to ask to keep your stupid goats on a leash, people?

Papa Goat checking us out.

The climactic finale of Close Encounters; Redneck Edition.

Teenage punk goat shows B-Dog what he thinks of him.

Guess we know where all the flies are coming from.

Goat overlooking Lake Cushman

Some more rock scrambling on VERY loose rock, then the chute opens up into a snow-filled basin. Then it's another scramble over a rocky hump, and from there you can see the last little jaunt to the summit. The summit was pretty crowded with people who came up the summer route for the express purpose of yapping on their cellphones and picking their noses. Others enjoyed striking poses out on precarious ledges hoping someone would photograph them for the cover of Backpacker Magazine.

The Basin at the top of the Chute. The trail winds up the rocks to the left. Just follow the goat crap.

Check out the snowboard tracks.

View of the Summit from just past "The Basin".

"Look at me out here on this ledge, everybody! I'm probably writing a Haiku or planning my spiritual journey to Tibet!"

"Look at us out here on this rock, everybody! Look at us!!!!"

"Hey everybody! Look at me up here on this rock! Look at me!"

Mutant Summit Rat with plague-bearing tick boring into it's skull. Mt. Ellinor. (Angry Hiker)

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Bdog tries to knock Summit Rat off the ledge with a carefuilly aimed rock.

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Bdog looking around for some flowers to stomp on.

After a bite to eat, we began our descent down the summer route. If you could call it that. There was a staircase built right into the side of the mountain. Even then, the trail was packed with whiners huffing, puffing and griping about what a monster hike it was. They'd whine to B-Dog and then further up they'd whine to me. Folks, you DROVE 3/4 of the way up the mountain and had STAIRS the rest of the way up! What do you want, an escalator?

Escalator to be installed shortly after they tear down the viaduct.

The first Glissade Chute.

Glissading down the Summer route

Looking across the sound at Mt. Rainier from Mt. Ellinor.

Lake Cushman from Ellinor.

There's more snow on the summer route than the winter, but it is melting rapidly. We only got 3 good glissade runs before we had to hang up our ice axes and hoof it through the mud and goat crap back to the Meadow of the Giant Blood-Sucking Bats. Overall it was a great outing, and relatively quiet when you go up the winter route. If someone would just get up there with a hunting bow and clear out the goats (and the poodles), I'd highly recommend the hike.

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Not one, but two.

[Schmidt Alti-Dude]

I'll just take my trained backcountry canines up there and have them beat up all the city dogs. Once word gets out, people will stop bringing them around.

[Schmidt Alti-Babe]

I love your trip reports. Keep 'em up.

[crabio]

Oh Boy ... Sounds like the only real time one might be able to do this without encountering all the "extras" would be in the middle of a work week at 7:30 in the morning

[the Zachster]

... ... ... PS That gully is ugly without snow...I'm glad those goats didn't decide to play bowling for hikers while you were in it... Fun report!

[ree]

[bobbi]

your TRs are funny as usual! great photos, love it all! it's been six years since i've been to mt. elinor and this is of me and billy, up close and personal!

[summithound]

Thank you for the amusing trip report The Angry Hiker. I've been up Ellinor four times but have yet to see any goats!

[The Angry Hiker]

[ADrewzki]

[Magellan]

No doubt Angry Hiker, you are the funniest TR writer on this site! Keep it up!

[Obi Tony Kenobi]

Angry Hiker, you are the best at these Trip Reports, I'm alway checking to read your newest adventure and get a good laugh! Keep up the great work!

[Wildstar]

I like going up the avalanche shoot, but I haven't done it for several years. There's a beautiful view at the top, but I've been avoiding the trail for reasons like this:

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Nice post and pics, Angry Hiker.

[Sadie's Driver]

AH - Spotted on Little Si, a Poo-Poo. I think they were looking for you!

Angry Hiker, this Poo is for you!

s.d.

[my poodle and me]

I take my poodle, petey into the backcountry all the time and I have to say there is nothing more satisfying than spending time alone with my best buddy out in the wilderness. I find so much joy watching Petey frolic around in the mountain meadows. you should get yourself a poodle and take him hiking, maybe that way you would be less angry.