[Jeff R]

Two Jocular Jongleurs Jaunce for the Storm King (9/2-9/5/06) One Dumb Report. Phooey! We two pestering jesters, Paul K. and Jeff R, received word that the Storm King had sequestered a jester or two to replace the two from the previous weekend (Paul M. and Bill H.). So we two jesters set out from the Cascade Pass Trailhead late Saturday morning. We rode our imaginary onagers up the gentle but disgruntling trail, clicking together our coconut shells as we went. I was packing water-flavored hops. Jeff was packing vodka-flavored tang. But neither of us thought to bring a grail. So for an unholey one we searched. Clickity, clickity, clickity,… The first gatekeeper we had to dispatch was one of those green-sweatered goblins at the pass. You may know these goblins by their other name: park rangers. Would we be able to last five seconds with the goblin before it lashed out with its prickly claws to try to disembowel the permit from my pack? Answer: no. They’re still quick on the permit-request slash. I reached past my gun [joke] and pet chihuahua [yeah, joke] and bribe money [mmm hmmm, ’nother joke] in my brain and retrieved the permit. With the goblin satiated by my permit…and the gourmet chocolate whopper offered forth…we successfully passed the pass test and merrily carried on. {Yep, Klenke the Finky has a bad reputation in the park now and rangers must now go to special Klenke training to learn how to deal with this rebel. And should his sidekick Rodgers be with him: look out! But that is another story I won’t tell another time.} The downhill skip to Park Creek Junction took 4 more hours or so (3,200 ft of loss over 10 miles) where we set up camp and set about going over our comedy routines for the cantankerous king. Our routine involved pot lid Frisbee tossing and the consumption of varieties of alcoholic liquids and tobacco gases.

Table of debauchery.

In the ailing twilight we drank Twilight Ale.

These aren't all that cold...

But the vodka-flavored tang was especially tart, especially when chased with a super-sized canned oyster.

Alpine appetizers.

These may not have been Cascade mountain oysters but they were still piquant. That night we snored and snored, or so informed the pesky mouse the next day. Note to bear box manufacturers: bear boxes keep out big mammals like bears but don’t keep out miniature mammals like…oh…say…mice. Maybe you should come up with a new prototype: a combination mouse box inside a bear box. On Sunday morning we breaked fast for edacious egg burritos with fresh onion and avocado (Chef Jeff does it again!). With our bellies bloated and with our comics’ diadems enwrapping our noggins, we then set out to greet the king. In about two hours we left the Park Creek Trail for the boot path in the woods

A preview of what was to come.

Sketchy creek crossing in lower basin.

(look, ma, no bee stings!). In about six hours we found ourselves near his crown looking for a chink in his funny bone. We humored him by going over to the wrong notch (bad beta) but soon found ourselves at the correct notch

Correct notch to ledge.

ready to tickle his neurons by way of the crawl ledge on the east side of his head.

Say no to crack!

Easy...

Soon we were coddling the pilgarlic king’s crown. Jeff pulled and tugged and levered and pried but just couldn’t loosen the giant jasper from the crown’s highest facing. So we would have to make do with signing the register instead. Ho hum.

This isn't so great.

The king was disenchanted with our act so we found ourselves disinterested in him. Sure we made him laugh a bit but it was kind of a bore because there were no pretty ladies-in-waiting around him. Why? Because there was too much of a smoky fug to gaze through in his throne room. King of Storm? Not. More like King of Forest Fire Smoke.

King of smoke

Rap from the crown

We departed his proximity and clacked our coconut shells back to camp (look, pa, still no bee stings!)…where Nalgene-sized iced-tea-flavored Long Islands and DEET-flavored cigars awaited us. Note to Jeff: don’t pack cigars inside the same bag as the bug repellant. ’Nother note to Jeff: watch out for the tricky rolling camp logs. The next day we headed back out (14 miles). Jeff took a bath in “Doubtful Pool”

Can't get clean

to wash away the memories of a bad memory while I flicked rat turds off my PayDay candy bar. I hope that mouse had a peanut allergy, that bastard! We munched on tiny blueberries as we neared the pass, hoping to top off our energy reserves for the probable battle with a goblin at the pass. (We wondered if we would even be hassled leaving the park with our overnight packs.) But no goblin. Only a mother ptarmigan and its ptiny ptots.

Funky Chicken

Back at our awaiting not-so-imaginary and ever-so-modern rubber-wheeled wagon we quickly located our stash of additional water-flavored hops—this time of the Belgian variety with cork for tops.

Big hair, big beer!

Soon thereafter back in the sleepy hamlet of Marblemount we stopped in at the Buffalo Run Restaurant where Klenke the Rebel wrote in the guest book: “We’re here for the testicles!” But, alas, they were out of those Cascade Mountain Oysters. Drat! Salivating Jeff would have to wait ’til another day.

[ActionBetty]

[Tazz]

one of the best trs Paul! Good work both of you

[Dayhike Mike]

Excellent TR! Thanks Jeff!

[wildernessed]

[dicey]

Oysters! BTW, I think that is my black lighter.

[Allison]

Nice TR. Thanks for the pic of klenk with 'backcountry hair'. He's normally so neat and tidy, kind of cracked me up.

[D'Airy Queen]

Attention all! Thank you! Please note this is a narration of the Queen's by her page, Page. "The Queen congratulates you on your audience with the King. Alas, the giant cloud of smoke on yon horizon was from the Queen's own cigar room. Fie! Fie! I had not had a smoke in such a while that I fear I went a little overboard. Now that I am done smoking, I need a drink. Did you see any regal eagles? Nothing infuriates the king more than playing frisebee with his chamber pot lid (especially if the chamber pot has been "dry" for several days). You are wise to use your own utensils. Ta ta for now!" D'Airy Queen \Page

[derekwayne]

OMG.....how o' how. didn't you get gas? indigestion? and you still hiked? This was a great read.....THANKS