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Hikes With Kids
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 7:55 am 
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So, heard any bad/dumb jokes lately?

Q: Why do NWHikers walk quietly at night while camping?
A: So they donít wake their sleeping bags!

In keeping with the season:
Q: What's a ghosts favorite muffin?
A:  Boo-berry

And my 2 year old daughter's current favorite:
Kid:  Hey Dad, guess what?
Dad:  What?
Kid:  Booger-pants!! (at which point she laughs hysterically - go figure...)

hardy-har-har...

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Life is like eating a jar of jalapenos - what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow...
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captain jack
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 9:23 am 
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Guy walks into his doctors office, and says;
"Doctor, last night I dreamed I was a Teepee, the night be before, I was a Wigwam.
Can you help me?"

Doctor says;
"Relax, your two tents."
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johnahl
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 10:05 am 
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2 guys are looking for a used car but only have $500. After going to many car dealers they find one that doesn't have a car for that price but they do have a camel. They take the camel for a test ride and are gone for such a long time the dealer jumps in his car and starts looking for them. He finds them sitting on the curb at an intersection with no camel in sight. Where's my camel. They thought the camel was just what they needed. They were on their way back to the dealership and were waiting at this intersection for the light to change. A convertible pulls alongside and the passenger says "Hey,... look at the 2 A-holes on that camel." We got down to look and the light turned green. loggermoon.gif
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Elvis
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 10:35 am 
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Child:  Hey Dad, guess what!

Dad:  What?

Child:  That's what! (snicker, snicker)

Child:  Hey Dad, guess what!

Dad:  What?

Child:  That's what! (Profuse giggling)

Child:  Hey Dad, guess what!

Dad:  What?

Child:  That's what!  (bustin' a gut)

Child:  Hey Dad, guess what!

Dad:  What? (bored)

Child:  Chicken Butt!

chickenleg.gif  dance.gif
eyes.gif

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"Ill habits gather unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas."  ~John Dryden
My Trip List
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LizzyBob
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 10:57 am 
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11 year old nephew: "Hey Aunt LizzyBob, what do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?"
Aunt LizzyBob: "Uhhhhhhh..."
11 year old nephew: "Salad Shooter!" colappses in laughter
Aunt LizzyBob: "Uhhhhhh..."
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touron
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 7:43 pm 
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Seems like farmer hen, was going to enter some of her pigs in a beauty contest at the county fair.  Unfortunately, the pigs over did it in the makeup department that day.  Too much lip gloss, too much eye shadow, and two much nose powder.  The hen was furious that she didn't win the grand prize, but rather than wallow in her misery, she sold them all to the ostrich that lived next door.  The big sale was later referred to as The Hen's Hussy Ham Hawk.

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Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
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MCaver
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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 10:55 pm 
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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
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More Cowbell
Warrior Princess



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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 11:12 pm 
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How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth ..
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More Cowbell
Warrior Princess



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PostFri Oct 13, 2006 11:31 pm 
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One more...

A drummer goes into a music store and tells the clerk that he thinks he can earn more money if he can double on a second instrument. He wanders around the store, then tells the clerk,"I'm not sure which I want -- the red trumpet on the shelf or the accordion leaning against the wall," the clerk says, "I can sell you the fire extinguisher... but the radiator has to stay." rockband.gif
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gyngve
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PostSat Oct 14, 2006 12:12 pm 
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A joke my highschool orchestra conductor ironically told in response to us wasting time because we were noodling...

A conductor was conducting for the St. Louis Philharmonic when he had to cue in the first oboe.  He excitedly waved his baton toward the musician when it flew out of his hand and pierced the oboeist's heart.  The conductor was arrested for muder and summarily convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.

Soon it became time for the conductor's last meal.  The warden asked him what he wanted... steak, ice cream, etc.  He said, "I want a banana!"  So he got his banana and ate it.  Then they strapped him into the chair and threw the switch.  Sparks flew, but he was still very much alive.  Because they couldn't kill him, they set him free.

The conductor entered society again and soon got a job at the Memphis Symphonic Orchestra.  Fate found him conducting the same piece again, and at the same measure, the poor first oboe met his maker.  Once again, he was arrested for muder and summarily convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.

Soon it became time for the conductor's last meal.  The warden asked him what he wanted... steak, ice cream, etc.  He said, "I want a banana!"  So he got his banana and ate it.  Then they strapped him into the chair and threw the switch.  Sparks flew, but he was still very much alive.  Because they couldn't kill him, they set him free.

The conductor entered society yet again and found a job at the New Orleans Symphony.  He was conducting a different piece, but he still possessed the same flair for baton javelins.  He cued and killed a bass player.  Once again, he was arrested for muder and summarily convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.  This time, though, the prosecutor had heard about the conductor's history and got an additional clause forbidding the conductor from having a banana for his last meal.

Soon it became time for the conductor's last meal.  He asked for his banana as usual, but the warden denied him, almost gleefully, citing the banana prohibition.  The conductor was only mildly disappointed and skipped dinner.   Then they strapped him into the chair and threw the switch.  The executioner put in extra juice and kept it on for extra long.  Sparks flew, but he was still very much alive.  The executioner was flabbergasted and said, "I don't get it.  Why won't you die?  You didn't have a banana."  The conductor responded, "Oh, I'm just a bad conductor."
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hikermike
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PostSat Oct 14, 2006 5:33 pm 
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This thread is SICK!  What is worse....I READ it!
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Skinem
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PostSun Oct 15, 2006 9:52 am 
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Two Eskimos were paddling their kayak when they became cold.  They tried to warm up by building a fire in the kayak, but of course, the kayak caught fire and sank.  The moral of the story--you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

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Earth First!  We'll strip mine the rest of the galaxy later.
They call me the thread killer...
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Captain Trips
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PostSun Oct 15, 2006 3:13 pm 
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What do you get when you combine Pat Robertson and castrol oil?

A religious Movement!
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touron
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PostSun Oct 15, 2006 4:33 pm 
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What did the judge say, when the skunk entered the room?
Odor in the court, odor in the court!

lol.gif  rotf.gif

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Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
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dacker
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PostSun Oct 15, 2006 4:37 pm 
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gyngve wrote:
The conductor responded, "Oh, I'm just a bad conductor."

OK, here's another one, also related to the two drummer jokes above, but this is supposed to be a true story:

A guest conductor was rehearsing the All-State band. There was one passage that the snare drummer just couldn't get right. Finally the conductor slammed down his baton and shouted out in exasperation. "Why is it that when a student can't play any other instrument, the teacher gives him two sticks and makes him a drummer?"

To which, without missing a beat, the drummer shot back, "and why is it that if he still can't do it right, they take away one stick and make him a conductor?"   shakehead.gif

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We don't stop hiking because we grow old; we grow old because we stop hiking. --Finis Mitchell
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