[Steve]

While walking down the street one day, a U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck-and dies. His soul arrives up in heaven and is met by Saint Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem. Just let me in," says the senator. Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from Higher Up. So, what we'll do is have you spend one day in hell, and one day in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." Really, I've made up my mind: I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, Saint Peter escorts the senator to the elevator. And he goes down, down, down to hell. The elevator doors open, and the senator finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse, and standing in front of it, dressed in formal evening dress, are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and smiling. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the citizens. They play a friendly game of golf, and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before the senator realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug, and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up-and the elevator door reopens on Heaven, where Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," he says. So, 24 hours pass, with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before the senator realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and Saint Peter returns. "Well, now, you've spent a day in hell, and another in Heaven. Now, choose the place where you want to spend eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, and then answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors of the elevator open, and he walks out into the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable. The devil comes over to the senator and lays his burning arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday, I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends all look miserable." The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us."

[Sore Feet]