[Schmidt Altitude]

**Author’s Note: This trip report is conducted in a tongue-in-cheek style. We have the utmost respect for the current winter conditions and the threats they pose** Even with all the doom and gloom broadcast about the recent weather, we just had to risk our lives conquering Mount Walker. This unassailable monstrosity of trees, dirt, and rock had been mocking us for years with its untouched summit. Thus, when MtnWkr suggested an attempt of the summit this weekend we couldn’t say no. Because of the amount of time needed for this climb we agreed to meet at the trailhead at the crack of 1:00PM. To our dismay, the road was closed adding unaccounted miles to our ordeal. We struggled into our best extreme condition gear (wool beanies, down gloves, fluffy pink down jacket) and set out on our adventure.

Half-way break

Will we ever make it - oh my!!!

Thinking that we would be the only ones crazy enough to attempt the insane, we were surprised to be passed by four different groups heading dejectedly towards their cars as we made our way up. The last defeated victim warned us the final accent was quite icy and slick. Fool, we knew his game. Trying to turn us back from what he could not accomplish - but we weren’t falling for it.

Trudging bravely ahead

Braving the deadly conditions

Mighty mountain men conquer the lookout

The sky was a thick angry grey but we hoped it would hold. About half way up the mountain, those clouds, enraged by our audacity, decided to throw their best at us in the form of tiny white ice particles that could be heard crashing down on the leaves of the salal and rhododendrons around us. We had to be careful to keep our heads down or else one risked losing something vital – like a contact or something.

Dangerous conditions

About three quarters of the way up the trail was completely covered with snow, making the going treacherous. We worried about white out conditions and all agreed that if worse came to worse we would eat the whippets first, and Tisha next since she is a blue eyed mutant and thus of lower genetic quality (the strong must survive).

Please don't eat us

Finally, against all odds, the trail started opening up and we wept with tears of relief upon arriving at the North summit. Some sort of structure had been erected that we assumed must be the summit marker – it must have been helicoptered in. The powder was a dangerous three inches. We had to walk with care because if one of us fell face first and couldn’t turn their heads they would suffocate in a matter of hours. About five minutes after our summit, another party arrived up the trail wearing jeans and sneakers – they obviously benefited from our trail breaking to become the second ones to conquer this treacherous mountain.

Unidentified structure - summit marker maybe?

Conquering heroes

But the view make all the misery worth it

To further ensure our glory we did not stop here. To claim total domination of the mountain we decided we must traverse to the South Summit and bag it as well. We never saw the other party again; for all we know they may have become another tragedy on this deadly mountain. Though the way to the other summit strained the backcountry navigation skills we have learned through years of hiking, we made it in surprisingly good time. Luckily we had made our supplies last and weren’t forced to eat one or both of the dogs.

Serious backcountry route-finding to South summit

The Tisha-nator broke this mountain

The "there was enough food so they aren't going to eat me" dance

We must keep her fat for next time

After filling our bellies with enough fuel to ensure that we could keep our core temperatures up through the arduous trek back, we left the summit. Going downhill forced us into a quicker pace. Each of us was on edge, waiting for the out of control crash that thankfully never happened. We managed to make it back to our vehicles before dark descended and headed home with that warmth in our souls that only conquering the impossible can bring.

Navigating back to the car

On edge waiting for the out-of-control crash

Relief at the trailhead

[Magellan]

Are you three insane?!? Thank God I didn't have to come rescue you. The taxpayers would have been pissed. Way to man up. And woman up. And dog up.

[GeoTom]

I was on the edge of my seat reading this. Would they make it out alive? Well, at least one of you had to in order to post this

[bobbi]

cripes, i was gripping my computer as i read your report! i knew you all made it back to safety but at times i was unsure. i hung on the fact that 2 of the olympic peninsula's finest will make us proud that they conquered the mighty walker. oh the whippets, too. great job on your summit bid!

[Yana]

I don't know what I am more appalled by: the fact that you three (er... five) undertook such a dangerous and irresponsible task, or the fact that you dare gloat shamelessly about this endeavor on the Internet. Next thing you know, some naive hiker will read your TR and think it's okay to try going to Mt. Walker. It's pure luck that you survived at all, not some sort of mad skillz to chestbeat about! I am repulsed and ashamed to have ever met you people. I think you should all immediately change your avatar photos to this:

[mtnwkr]

Preparing for the arduous adventure ahead

Jeramy and I agreeing that blue eyes would go first

blue eyed mutant

waiting for whippet treats

[canyonwren]

And the whippets live to be eaten another day! Thanks for the laugh, even though you foolishly risked your lives. *tsk*

[Ingunn]

Aaah, yes...we've considered munching on Bobby's muscular thighs on many a terrifying wilderness experience. It's a good thing we chose such beefy breeds!

[goats gone wild]

A true story of struggle and survival. I'm guessing a new bestseller.

[peltoms]

I am so disappointed that I did not see the aforementioned pink down fluffy jacket

[treeswarper]

Don't try this at home! Now, when you eat dogs, are they on or off leash?

[LizzyBob]

Crikey, what a seat sucker! I'm sure the Super Bowl will be a real yawner in comparison.

[yukon222]

As much as I enjoyed reading about this perilous 1st ascent (in the Winter!), I'm not sure if the next adventure will turn out as well. Rolling the dice there. The whippets might suspect something if you start feeding them extra goodies before the next hike.

[Gabigabs]

Very nice. Really enjoyed your report. Seems like you guys had so much fun.

[Schmidt Altitude]