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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
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Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:53 pm
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Couldn't find a thread for music jokes, so maybe this may start one.
Of course the joke I'm quoting below requires some musical knowledge, but any kind of joke about music in some way is welcome (except ones with bad language).
Not another bar joke
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't
serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between
them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat.
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp
enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom
saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender
notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out
now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-
piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says:
"You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development."
Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands
there au naturel.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before,
begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C
goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor
and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility.
The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is
found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all
accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so
patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble,
he needs a rest and closes the bar.
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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touron Member
Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 10293 | TRs | Pics Location: Plymouth Rock |
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touron
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Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:08 pm
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As a humor attempt it is a good triad it so on an ascending scale of one to seven I would give it a 7. Others, more composed than I, may harp about how it strings one along a ledger with puns until you fall off a clef. Bass jumping they call it now, but if you don't have parachute you're in treble after a short measure. Eternal rest they call it.
Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
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Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:03 pm
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At least one NWHiker got the joke, and was generous enough to add his original "joke format" reply, yay!
There's a very long list of instrument jokes, some so bad that they should not be repeated here, or anywhere else. But I offer an organ joke, one of the better as well as repeatable ones. Should be fairly obvious where the pun is, although some knowledge of the organ--the musical instrument--is required.
Q. Why did Johann Sebastian Bach have so many children?
A. Because he had no stops on his organ.
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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treeswarper Alleged Sockpuppet!
Joined: 25 Dec 2006 Posts: 11279 | TRs | Pics Location: Don't move here |
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treeswarper
Alleged Sockpuppet!
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Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:36 am
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I like it.
I have heard some banjo jokes, but I forgot them. C me later?
(Sorry, it has been a zillion years and I'm learning fiddle)
Coda give me a break?
What's especially fun about sock puppets is that you can make each one unique and individual, so that they each have special characters. And they don't have to be human––animals and aliens are great possibilities
What's especially fun about sock puppets is that you can make each one unique and individual, so that they each have special characters. And they don't have to be human––animals and aliens are great possibilities
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ASBrauer Nerd
Joined: 02 Feb 2006 Posts: 1466 | TRs | Pics Location: Selah,WA |
What happens when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A-flat miner.
Why did Mozart hate chickens? Because they say "Bach Bach Bach"
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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
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Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:23 pm
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Some good replies! Here's some more.
Definitions:
Bassoon: a bedpost with a bad case of gas.
Beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments.
Concert: a place where people go to cough and sneeze.
Conductor: Someone who is able to follow many people at once.
Counterpoint: a favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established.
Cut time: when everyone else is playing twice as fast as you are.
Drummer: someone who hangs around with musicians.
Fermata: a brand of girdle made especially for opera singers.
Half step: two piccolos playing in unison.
Male quartet: three men and a tenor.
Oboe: an ill wind that nobody blows good.
Octave: an interval having eight diatonic steps or twelve chromatic steps (fifteen when sung by a tenor).
Phrase: What teaching music does to your nerves.
Pitch: a tossing motion frequently used by band students to hand in music.
Trombone: A slide whistle with delusions of grandeur!
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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EJ Member
Joined: 02 Oct 2009 Posts: 248 | TRs | Pics
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EJ
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Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:45 pm
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As a former violinist and current violist, this one cracks me up.
What's the difference between the violin section and the viola section of an orchestra?
About half a measure.
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Washakie Member
Joined: 18 Aug 2010 Posts: 402 | TRs | Pics Location: Ann Arbor, MI |
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Washakie
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Sat Sep 29, 2012 7:01 am
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How does the band know when the stage is level?
When the drool drips evenly from both sides of the bass players mouth.
"What is the color when black is burned?" - Neil Young
"We're all normal when we want our freedom" - Arthur Lee
"The internet can make almost anyone seem intelligent" - Washakie
"What is the color when black is burned?" - Neil Young
"We're all normal when we want our freedom" - Arthur Lee
"The internet can make almost anyone seem intelligent" - Washakie
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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treeswarper Alleged Sockpuppet!
Joined: 25 Dec 2006 Posts: 11279 | TRs | Pics Location: Don't move here |
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treeswarper
Alleged Sockpuppet!
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Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:03 am
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Does that come on a coffee cup? It would be the perfect gift for my banjo pickin' friend.
What's especially fun about sock puppets is that you can make each one unique and individual, so that they each have special characters. And they don't have to be human––animals and aliens are great possibilities
What's especially fun about sock puppets is that you can make each one unique and individual, so that they each have special characters. And they don't have to be human––animals and aliens are great possibilities
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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
Member
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Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:12 am
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CHRISTMAS SONGS FOR THE MENTALLY DISTURBED
SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Kings Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA
I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…..
PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell you Why.
DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ……..
….(better start again)
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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CC cascade curmudgeon
Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 647 | TRs | Pics
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CC
cascade curmudgeon
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Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:09 pm
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patron: Do you know, you are probably the worst piano player I ever heard.
pianist: No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
Q: You are in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Kenny G, and you have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot Kenny G twice.
Q: You are in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini, and you have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Hunt down Kenny G and shoot him twice.
A musician living in Paris is very depressed because he thinks he's losing it. In particular, he can't remember the bridge of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." He decides he is going to go up on the Eiffel tower, and if he still can't remember he is going to jump and end it all. So he goes up on the tower and still can't remember it so he jumps. A little while later there is the sound of an ambulance: da dah, da dah, da dah.......
First your legs go, then you lose your reflexes, then you lose your friends. Willy Pep
First your legs go, then you lose your reflexes, then you lose your friends. Willy Pep
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
Three days into his first solo attempt at scaling Mt. Everest, Joe finally arrives at bass camp.
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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wolffie Member
Joined: 14 Jul 2008 Posts: 2693 | TRs | Pics Location: Seattle |
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wolffie
Member
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Thu Apr 11, 2013 3:20 pm
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What is the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Some people have better things to do with their lives than walking the dog. Some don't.
Some people have better things to do with their lives than walking the dog. Some don't.
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