[gray matter]

Q. What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A. The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back. Q. What do clarinet players use for birth control? A. Their personalities. Q. What did the drummer get on his SAT test? A. Drool.

[hiker1]

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility. The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech. The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior. The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist. The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity. The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore. The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch. The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him. The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once. The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool. The Shostakovich Effect: Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways. The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers. The Glass Effect: Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over....

[Ski]

and after all those, nobody piped in with you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish?

[More Cowbell]

Kind of an inside music joke

[seawallrunner]

my favourite knock-knock joke: Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knockity knock. Who's there? Knockity knock. Who's there? Knockity knock. Who's there? Knockity knock. Who's there? Knock knock knock. Who is there? Knock knock knock. Who is there? Knock knock knock. Who is there? Knock knock knock. Who is there? Philip Glass.

[touron]

Q: What instrument in the modern symphony is most often discovered to be lost or missing? A: The Berumda triangle

[More Bagpipes]

A bloke walks into a pub with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. I'll give £500 to anyone who has an instrument the octopus can't play." A guy walks up with a guitar. The octopus takes the guitar and plays it like Jimmy Hendrix. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet like Dizzy Gillespie. A third guy walks up with a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it and then sets it down, looking confused. The guy says, "Ha! You can't play it." The octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pyjamas off, I'm gonna shag it."

[hiker1]

[Jumble Jowls]

Q: What's the difference between a hip-hopper with baggy pants and a gay Republican? A: The Republican acts straight.

[FJES6]

Whats better than roses on your piano?

[DIYSteve]

Tulips on my organ?

[DIYSteve]

[More Cowbell]

I'm stealing that BigSteve. Thanks.

[Toonces]

[More Cowbell]