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gray matter Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2008 Posts: 312 | TRs | Pics Location: Anacortes |
Q. What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A. The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back.
Q. What do clarinet players use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What did the drummer get on his SAT test?
A. Drool.
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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
Member
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Thu Aug 01, 2013 9:24 pm
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The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch.
The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.
The Shostakovich Effect: Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways.
The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.
The Glass Effect: Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over....
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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Ski ><((((°>
Joined: 28 May 2005 Posts: 12829 | TRs | Pics Location: tacoma |
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Ski
><((((°>
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Thu Aug 01, 2013 9:32 pm
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and after all those, nobody piped in with
you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish?
"I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each."
"I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each."
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
Kind of an inside music joke
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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seawallrunner dilettante
Joined: 27 Apr 2005 Posts: 3306 | TRs | Pics Location: Lotusland |
my favourite knock-knock joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knockity knock.
Who's there?
Knockity knock.
Who's there?
Knockity knock.
Who's there?
Knockity knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock knock.
Who is there?
Knock knock knock.
Who is there?
Knock knock knock.
Who is there?
Knock knock knock.
Who is there?
Philip Glass.
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touron Member
Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 10293 | TRs | Pics Location: Plymouth Rock |
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touron
Member
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Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:04 pm
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Q: What instrument in the modern symphony is most often discovered to be lost or missing?
A: The Berumda triangle
Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
Touron is a nougat of Arabic origin made with almonds and honey or sugar, without which it would just not be Christmas in Spain.
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More Bagpipes Member
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A bloke walks into a pub with an octopus and says, "This is a very talented octopus. I'll give £500 to anyone who has an instrument the octopus can't play."
A guy walks up with a guitar. The octopus takes the guitar and plays it like Jimmy Hendrix.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet like Dizzy Gillespie.
A third guy walks up with a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it and then sets it down, looking confused.
The guy says, "Ha! You can't play it."
The octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get its pyjamas off, I'm gonna shag it."
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hiker1 Member
Joined: 29 Aug 2009 Posts: 1624 | TRs | Pics Location: West Coast |
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hiker1
Member
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Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:12 pm
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wolffie wrote: | What is the difference between a banjo and an onion? |
You cry when you cut up an onion.
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
falling leaves / hide the path / so quietly
~John Bailey, "Autumn," a haiku year, 2001, as posted on oldgreypoet.com
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Jumble Jowls Member
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 305 | TRs | Pics Location: now here |
Q: What's the difference between a hip-hopper with baggy pants and a gay Republican?
A: The Republican acts straight.
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FJES6 Will Belay for Food
Joined: 12 Mar 2013 Posts: 82 | TRs | Pics Location: Bow Hill |
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FJES6
Will Belay for Food
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Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:24 am
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Whats better than roses on your piano?
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DIYSteve seeking hygge
Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 12655 | TRs | Pics Location: here now |
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DIYSteve
seeking hygge
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Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:37 am
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DIYSteve seeking hygge
Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 12655 | TRs | Pics Location: here now |
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DIYSteve
seeking hygge
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Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:42 am
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
I'm stealing that BigSteve. Thanks.
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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Toonces unleashed
Joined: 16 Dec 2005 Posts: 2401 | TRs | Pics Location: On the pavement, thinking about the government |
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Toonces
unleashed
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Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:46 pm
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If you show fear, a monkey will bully you.
If you show fear, a monkey will bully you.
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More Cowbell Warrior Princess
Joined: 01 Jul 2006 Posts: 5657 | TRs | Pics Location: Alive on Earth |
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
“If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes.” - Unknown
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