This is actually satire, but this thread is the best place for this article I believe. The title is: "Sure, the Velociraptors Are Still On the Loose, But That’s No Reason Not to Reopen Jurassic Park" by Carlos Greaves.
Here's a couple of quotes: And will some of the employees returning to work have their limbs torn off and tossed into the air like a juggler tossing bowling pins? Undoubtedly. But we’re confident that with a few safety precautions put in place,.... And keeping things just below widespread public outrage levels is our gold standard for all of the decisions we make here at Jurassic Park.
I know many of you out there are going to be hesitant to return to Jurassic Park knowing there are still velociraptors roaming the preserve, but rest assured things will return to normal sooner rather than later. The life expectancy of a velociraptor is only 15-20 years, so we’re confident that these attacks will eventually run their course. ~z
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